Lesson Learned

There’s a lot of soul music playing here this week. I realize that with my last post about organization, this blog is quickly becoming a collection of my completely random and whimsical thoughts. I’m not sure I can stop that, though.

I had an entire week without kids. The kids went to stay with their dad for the break and it was a much-needed chance for me to back up, breathe a little, and think.

I got a lot of work done. And I cleaned the house. I hung out with friends. And I thought. A lot. This week’s thoughts were centered around the one that got away, and love in general.

We all have that one, I think. Maybe it’s more bittersweet for those of us who married someone else and then had that marriage not work out. It begs for looking at the other relationship, the really good one we didn’t pursue. The one we thought we were too good for.

I had that relationship once, with a guy who was truly amazing. And I wasn’t mature enough to see him for who he was. I’m kicking myself on that one.

I wouldn’t and can’t change anything. I have two fabulous kids, products of a marriage with the one I really wish had gotten away. But I wouldn’t really wish that unless there was still some way I could keep the kids. When you have two beautiful children, what right do you have to complain? I don’t.

I held on too long to things I should've let go. I think all my life, I've taken a project I wanted to fix at the expense of a masterpiece I was too busy to look for. I'm choosier now.

I like to indulge in the occasional daydream. This week I found my mind wandering to what it would be like if we met again. Except it wouldn’t be like that. He married someone else. I married someone else. His worked out, mine didn’t. So this week has been a true lesson in grace, because despite what I now wish would've happened for us, I can’t be anything but happy for him.

There’s a lot to lose in life and love. I hope if you’re reading this and you have someone really important to hold on to, that you grab them and squeeze them tight. Life’s too short for what if’s. I’m squeezing mine, these two little people around whom my entire world is centered.

If you're holding on to something simply for the sake of holding on to it, it might be time to let it go. Don't make my mistake and try to change what you have into what you need.

If that great guy comes again, I think maybe I’ll be ready to recognize him the second time around. Lesson learned.